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The Reason = ??

Was listening to The Reason by Hoobastank. Somehow it just hit on me really hard...my mind was reflecting on what was discussed last weekend during the outing with the guys. Being a constant 2nd choice and having to live with it every single day is not an easy path to walk. There is always a small part of me, you will never be able to know or understand or even touch no matter how sensitive you are. Insecurity coupled with inferiority are the worst one can ever imagine. Having to find distractions every single moment one is awake is not an easy task either. To be able to pull it thru this far was never an achievement to me...there will always be the BUTs and the WHAT IFs. Somehow, I think you understand how I felt but you will never be able to do anything coz you can’t even help yourself. Remember the moment you saw her kissing someone else...watching her being in someone else’s arms...seeing that you are in every single way better than that person she is with BUT she didn’t choose you. Has it never dawned on you why you have changed? Its not me or you BUT its her...but there was nothing you could do...except to feel helpless. Every time you tried to convince me that you are not waiting for someone, I can still hear the flames of hope lingering in that voice. Not wanting to go to places you have been to with her...not wanting to be in places where you might see her...not willing to let her see us walking together...admitting her brothers as your brother-in-law...not wanting me to be a friend of her friend...and most of all, admitting infront of your friends that she is the one you loves the most proves it all. There are 1001 things other couples can do BUT for us, there are 1001 things we musn't do. Calling her names will not make her realise her mistake and run back into your open arms. On the other hand, IF there comes a day when you found out that you have become my 2nd choice or IF I changed, do look back, think and if you are lucky enuff, you might just realise the reason why all that happen. IF only you have given me a chance...

A note to myself: Life is hard..so dun complain. Dah sabar aje lah...selagi boleh sabar, kau sabar jer ak...kalau dah tak bleh sabar pi telan bomb! *otei go* Besok dia nak pegi abang ipar dia kawin ke kakak ipar dia ke makcik ipar dia ke...lantak dia lah. Nak jumpa kekasih lama cakap jer lah *whistle n look away* lalallala~~ No matter how down & out im feeling, remember to smile n....breath *...in...out...in...out...* n think.......KARMA..... believe in it, sit back n enjoy the ride. Errr...but I need to think of something happening to do tomorrow so I won't brood over him seeing his lost love at her bro's wedding....muakakakak *padahal carik alasan* Hmmm...maybe going clubbing can help "overwrite" this unhappiness ehehehhe "overwrite" eh....arrrggghhh *insecurity levelllll to the maxxxxxxxx siaaaaa* kwakwakwa...*cartwheel outta here* whooooohoooo....till the nex update...

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